...life reincarnated
Life reincarnated...yes, i believe that's what i'll focus on now. Does that mean that i'm giving up on the "old" life? No, not really. But if the idea of reincarnation includes taking things from a previous life and carrying them over into the next, then i'll run with that. I have to admit, this past year has sucked. Yes, i said sucked...a rather crude word form...but it truly seems to fit. A new married life that i thought had so much potential came to a bone crushing end in January -- just about a month after our one year anniversary. Don't get me wrong, tho...i'm THRILLED to be away from my ex (aka, "asshole")! He turned out to be a liar, a cheat, a phony--hmm, should i go on?? No, i avoid thinking about him at all costs, so i'll not elaborate here. But it is odd and disturbing to think that you've wasted a little more than a year and a half of your life on a worthless piece of humanity. I guess it wasn't totally wasted, though. I realize that the whole experience taught me a lot...taught me quite a few things that i should have learned long ago. Things like keeping your eyes open, not giving in, watching your back, not selling yourself short. The aftermath has also taught me a lot about myself, about who i've become, who i am today. And who i am today is definitely not the same as who i was two years ago. Am i wiser today? Yes, i think so. Am i more cautious? Definitely. Am i not so concerned with making sure i have a steady man in my life? FOR SURE!! Don't get me wrong...i love men! There are things about men in general that i'm not crazy about. I won't venture to start that list, tho. But i realize that i'm a person who likes, yes, even needs men in her life. Not a ton of them, but a choice few make things more fun! And it's definitely easier when you're not so concerned with feeling like you need to find a new spouse.
Which leads me to my next point (which should have probably come earlier...or at least a paragraph break! ;) -- and that point is: wow, i really like living on my own. I may have mentioned that fact before in a previous blog post, but it's true and bears repeating. It's rather cool to hog the whole bed yourself (well, i do share it with my little puppy dog); it's nice to watch what you want to watch on television WHEN you want to watch it; it's great to be able to pull out that little pint container of Breyer's Twix ice cream and eat it all yourself! It's also nice to look like crap if you want, wear that massive fuzzy bathrobe thing with your fat fuzzy socks and not care that someone would prefer you to look sexy in some skimpy little nothing while you freeze your ass off. Looking sexy can be saved for special occasions, if you know what i mean! ;)
Soooo, back to my original focus -- life reincarnated. That's my focus for 2006...to live my life in this "reincarnated" state. To stop feeling guilty for pain & suffering i may have caused because of my first divorce and all that surrounded it. To stop feeling guilty because one of my children decided to hate me when i chose not to enable him to continue his self-destructive habits by giving him shelter & food and requiring nothing more of him than to merely exist...as his father has done for two years. To make sure my financial situation stays focused on avoiding debt and on building retirement funds for my future...whatever it may be. To reaffirm old friendships...some that have needed some nurturing for quite some time...and make them strong again. To have a firm focus on my work, and make sure i'm doing the best job possible. To work on making my body fit & strong for life. These are a few of my focuses in my "life reincarnated".
How interesting it will be to look back next year at this time, to see how i've done. I'm not calling any of this "resolutions". No, resolutions never seem to stick. This is a focus on what i have now--a life reincarnated. A second chance...hell, i could practically call it a third or fourth chance! Whatever it is, i intend to make it sing. I'm tired of my old life weighing me down. It's time to shed that burden, and rise above it all. This is the new me...so take a deep breath, make the jump (both feet, now!), and hang on for the ride -- it's gonna be a damn good one!!
As usual, keep on breathin', everyone!!
Mary
Which leads me to my next point (which should have probably come earlier...or at least a paragraph break! ;) -- and that point is: wow, i really like living on my own. I may have mentioned that fact before in a previous blog post, but it's true and bears repeating. It's rather cool to hog the whole bed yourself (well, i do share it with my little puppy dog); it's nice to watch what you want to watch on television WHEN you want to watch it; it's great to be able to pull out that little pint container of Breyer's Twix ice cream and eat it all yourself! It's also nice to look like crap if you want, wear that massive fuzzy bathrobe thing with your fat fuzzy socks and not care that someone would prefer you to look sexy in some skimpy little nothing while you freeze your ass off. Looking sexy can be saved for special occasions, if you know what i mean! ;)
Soooo, back to my original focus -- life reincarnated. That's my focus for 2006...to live my life in this "reincarnated" state. To stop feeling guilty for pain & suffering i may have caused because of my first divorce and all that surrounded it. To stop feeling guilty because one of my children decided to hate me when i chose not to enable him to continue his self-destructive habits by giving him shelter & food and requiring nothing more of him than to merely exist...as his father has done for two years. To make sure my financial situation stays focused on avoiding debt and on building retirement funds for my future...whatever it may be. To reaffirm old friendships...some that have needed some nurturing for quite some time...and make them strong again. To have a firm focus on my work, and make sure i'm doing the best job possible. To work on making my body fit & strong for life. These are a few of my focuses in my "life reincarnated".
How interesting it will be to look back next year at this time, to see how i've done. I'm not calling any of this "resolutions". No, resolutions never seem to stick. This is a focus on what i have now--a life reincarnated. A second chance...hell, i could practically call it a third or fourth chance! Whatever it is, i intend to make it sing. I'm tired of my old life weighing me down. It's time to shed that burden, and rise above it all. This is the new me...so take a deep breath, make the jump (both feet, now!), and hang on for the ride -- it's gonna be a damn good one!!
As usual, keep on breathin', everyone!!
Mary
posted by daffodil @ 11:02 AM
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Dan said…
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