ooh, ouch, hmmmm....

It's been a while since I posted...so much has happened since then. Yes, I say...ooh, ouch, hmmmmmmmmm.... Why, you ask? Because so much has happened in my life. The last time I posted, a good friend's husband had just died. Geez, how you come to grips with that??? She has not responded to my emails, card or voice mail. So, I can only assume that she is trying to deal with her grief in her own way. I feel so helpless. I'm the kind of person who wants...needs...to feel like I can help others feel better, no matter what their problem. But this problem is too much. The death of a spouse. No matter what I can say, no matter how much "help" i can offer up...hell, it would never be enough. Who the hell do I think i am that I could EVER be enough to help this woman with this tragedy in her life? I shall silently wait to see if she seeks me out. How inadequate.

On another front, I broke up with my boyfriend. Damn, it really sucks. It wasn't because I didn't love him...because i do. It's because the differences between us are so great, that we would never see eye to eye about the important stuff. I thought long & hard about all of this. It won't work. I hate that it won't work!!!!!!!!!!!!!! He's a good person, and I really care about him. Hell, I love him. But he's so different from me. And we both realize it. How do you find someone to fit your needs at this point in life? I'm 48 years old, and I know I have expectations. Are my expectations too extreme? Am I expecting too much?? I really don't think so! I guess time will tell. In the meantime, I guess casual sex will have to do.

Okay, it's really late and i need to go to sleep. Take care, those of you who care to read this. I'm so screwed up these days, don't believe a word i say!

Keep on breathin'--

Daffodil