life is fair??????
Who said life was fair? Was that some poet from days/years past? So, what is fair anyway? Fair...hmmmm. Geez, anyone in the world could give you their definition of fair. And it could differ so wildly, it would never have the same meaning. Fair to your lifestyle today? Fair in your basic subculture you live in right now? Fair in the society you choose to place yourself in? Wow, fair takes on so many meanings. How can you really define fair for yourself?
Fair has come to mean something different to me this week than it has to me before. My dad entered the hospital on Monday, very debiliated by weight loss, dehydration, etc., and what might have seemed fair to him was probably much different than what was fair to me...at least as far as HE was concerned. Actually, his existence is so basic right now compared to mine. Hell, his existence has to do with fluids in his IV line, now (as of today) nutrition going into his stomach/feeding tube (which was inserted today). I can't even imagine dealing with this myself. A feeding tube sticking out of my stomach? Not being able to take in any food or fluids orally at all...ever? Omg, just shoot me! I love food...i love being able to drink certain things. NEVER being able to enjoy that again...well, that's a HUGE part of life that i don't know i could give up. Okay, so would i end my life for all of that? I don't know. If I had to be moved out of my home, into a nursing home where everything i knew, everything i was familiar with was changed and my life was so dramatically altered...okay, give me the gun. Yeah, i know. That's pretty exteme. But would I really want my life to be like that? No! And I don't believe my dad does either. What does that all mean?
I'm so lost in all of this. It was EASY when my mom died. She just slipped away one night when we weren't even looking. But my dad...well, this is very different. How will this happen? What is God's ultimate decision???
Stay tuned...
Crying & stunned these days--
daffodil
Fair has come to mean something different to me this week than it has to me before. My dad entered the hospital on Monday, very debiliated by weight loss, dehydration, etc., and what might have seemed fair to him was probably much different than what was fair to me...at least as far as HE was concerned. Actually, his existence is so basic right now compared to mine. Hell, his existence has to do with fluids in his IV line, now (as of today) nutrition going into his stomach/feeding tube (which was inserted today). I can't even imagine dealing with this myself. A feeding tube sticking out of my stomach? Not being able to take in any food or fluids orally at all...ever? Omg, just shoot me! I love food...i love being able to drink certain things. NEVER being able to enjoy that again...well, that's a HUGE part of life that i don't know i could give up. Okay, so would i end my life for all of that? I don't know. If I had to be moved out of my home, into a nursing home where everything i knew, everything i was familiar with was changed and my life was so dramatically altered...okay, give me the gun. Yeah, i know. That's pretty exteme. But would I really want my life to be like that? No! And I don't believe my dad does either. What does that all mean?
I'm so lost in all of this. It was EASY when my mom died. She just slipped away one night when we weren't even looking. But my dad...well, this is very different. How will this happen? What is God's ultimate decision???
Stay tuned...
Crying & stunned these days--
daffodil
posted by daffodil @ 9:25 PM
4 Comments:
At 5:40 AM,
Anonymous said…
Our society has to come to terms with end-of-life issues. Our science is ahead of our souls, and we don't know how to address the fact that technology can keep us alive under hellish circumstances . . .
At 5:14 AM,
Anonymous said…
Keep breathing . . .
622
At 5:33 PM,
Anonymous said…
Your experience sounds much like mine when my father went in 2000. He couldn't keep his balance and kept falling. He couldn't swallow so he got the feeding tube in the stomach. He was miserable and hated every minute of it. He wanted to go as soon as possible. I think if he had a gun available to him, he'd of used it! I know I would! Just like you!
Now that its all over, you just have to thank the Lord that its done for your Dad and rejoice in those you still have and can have (dare I say both present and PAST) in your life! There are those with whom you can share that same love and compassion you had for your dad! Be happy!
At 4:22 PM,
Anonymous said…
"Life"? - "Fair"? Yah, It doesn't seem too much so right now, does it? Seriously, in all sincerity, if their is any fairness left in life for your Dad, I hope it is over quick!
But look at "life" and "fair" another way! Was their fairness for you and your family in that you knew this was coming and could, to whatever degree possible, prepare yourselves for it? Consider "fair" when life ends unexpectedly, as it does from time to time. Maybe its a relative, like your Mom, or, I believe it was your friend's husband. "Fair"? Maybe it is someone you've lost touch with and realize you still had a hug or unsaid things for that person. Or someone from your past that you just can't imagine the world without! No, life isn't fair, especially when it comes to an end. So don't wait, don't waste an opportunity, don't leave it unsaid, exactly how you feel about those people who are and have been important to you over your life!
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