40-something...

Long ago I signed up for, or "subscribed" to, daily emails from a women's website called iVillage...a site I like and think provides good info on lots of "women stuff", ranging from food ideas, health info, funny stuff, newsy stuff, shopping tips (THAT one can be dangerous!). It's a cool site. Today there was a health focus discussing those age old resolutions everyone makes this time of year, and what issues you should be addressing related to age, stress, fatigue and such. I clicked into the "age" category, and then you could click further into the particular decade you're in right now...which put me in the "40's".

I just love it when they offer you a quiz to take...they want to find out how much of a loser you are when it comes to certain issues, or if you're doing all the right things--at which time I think a gold star should flash on your monitor! ;) Anyway, i decided to ignore the work on my desk for a few minutes and quiz away. What did I find out? Well, actually some good info on vitamin supplements that help out at this age--like taking B12 to improve your mental dexterity (who can't use more of that these days??!!--what was your name again?). And taking folate to prevent heart disease, calcium and vitamin D to promote bone health, and vitamins C & E, which are antioxidants to help defend against breast cancer, cataracts & heart disease. See!! I learned a lot! And realized that I could be doing a lot more to help myself out in these "40's" years. And then the big one...the one we all groan about. It asked, "are you doing at least 30 minutes of moderate exercise daily?" I wanted to lie and say yes...but who was I fooling? Myself? Yeah, so I clicked on the no button. At which time it went on to tell me that I needed to get my ass moving or I would weigh 300 pounds by the time I turn 50 and i'd die of heart disease or something else equally horrible!! No, no...it really didn't tell me that. But in my heart of hearts I know that I truly need to get my ass moving if I am serious about improving my stagnant state of health. And considering the fact that three out of the six people in my immediate family (my father, mother & one of my brothers) all have had heart disease, and my mother died from it...yeah, i need to get busy.

I EVEN HAVE A MEMBERSHIP TO A LARGE FITNESS CLUB, FOR CRYIN' OUT LOUD!! And when I move closer to it in March, I WILL start going there at least three times a week. Until then, I can work out at home, lift weights, and do a whole hell of a lot more than i'm doing right now. So, in my "life reincarnated" state i'm living in now, exercise will be a large part of me. No more procrastination, no more excuses. Choose the time, make the time, get it done. And my skinny but totally lacking in tone body will be the better for it! Hey, maybe my boobs might actually tone up too...wouldn't that be special?!?

A toast to life reincarnated with exercise in the top half of the list! My muscles are smiling already! :)

Keep on breathin', y'all!

Mary

...life reincarnated

Life reincarnated...yes, i believe that's what i'll focus on now. Does that mean that i'm giving up on the "old" life? No, not really. But if the idea of reincarnation includes taking things from a previous life and carrying them over into the next, then i'll run with that. I have to admit, this past year has sucked. Yes, i said sucked...a rather crude word form...but it truly seems to fit. A new married life that i thought had so much potential came to a bone crushing end in January -- just about a month after our one year anniversary. Don't get me wrong, tho...i'm THRILLED to be away from my ex (aka, "asshole")! He turned out to be a liar, a cheat, a phony--hmm, should i go on?? No, i avoid thinking about him at all costs, so i'll not elaborate here. But it is odd and disturbing to think that you've wasted a little more than a year and a half of your life on a worthless piece of humanity. I guess it wasn't totally wasted, though. I realize that the whole experience taught me a lot...taught me quite a few things that i should have learned long ago. Things like keeping your eyes open, not giving in, watching your back, not selling yourself short. The aftermath has also taught me a lot about myself, about who i've become, who i am today. And who i am today is definitely not the same as who i was two years ago. Am i wiser today? Yes, i think so. Am i more cautious? Definitely. Am i not so concerned with making sure i have a steady man in my life? FOR SURE!! Don't get me wrong...i love men! There are things about men in general that i'm not crazy about. I won't venture to start that list, tho. But i realize that i'm a person who likes, yes, even needs men in her life. Not a ton of them, but a choice few make things more fun! And it's definitely easier when you're not so concerned with feeling like you need to find a new spouse.

Which leads me to my next point (which should have probably come earlier...or at least a paragraph break! ;) -- and that point is: wow, i really like living on my own. I may have mentioned that fact before in a previous blog post, but it's true and bears repeating. It's rather cool to hog the whole bed yourself (well, i do share it with my little puppy dog); it's nice to watch what you want to watch on television WHEN you want to watch it; it's great to be able to pull out that little pint container of Breyer's Twix ice cream and eat it all yourself! It's also nice to look like crap if you want, wear that massive fuzzy bathrobe thing with your fat fuzzy socks and not care that someone would prefer you to look sexy in some skimpy little nothing while you freeze your ass off. Looking sexy can be saved for special occasions, if you know what i mean! ;)

Soooo, back to my original focus -- life reincarnated. That's my focus for 2006...to live my life in this "reincarnated" state. To stop feeling guilty for pain & suffering i may have caused because of my first divorce and all that surrounded it. To stop feeling guilty because one of my children decided to hate me when i chose not to enable him to continue his self-destructive habits by giving him shelter & food and requiring nothing more of him than to merely exist...as his father has done for two years. To make sure my financial situation stays focused on avoiding debt and on building retirement funds for my future...whatever it may be. To reaffirm old friendships...some that have needed some nurturing for quite some time...and make them strong again. To have a firm focus on my work, and make sure i'm doing the best job possible. To work on making my body fit & strong for life. These are a few of my focuses in my "life reincarnated".

How interesting it will be to look back next year at this time, to see how i've done. I'm not calling any of this "resolutions". No, resolutions never seem to stick. This is a focus on what i have now--a life reincarnated. A second chance...hell, i could practically call it a third or fourth chance! Whatever it is, i intend to make it sing. I'm tired of my old life weighing me down. It's time to shed that burden, and rise above it all. This is the new me...so take a deep breath, make the jump (both feet, now!), and hang on for the ride -- it's gonna be a damn good one!!

As usual, keep on breathin', everyone!!

Mary

oops...

Meant to give you a link to a great Charlie Brown Christmas website!!! Here you go...

http://wilstar.com/xmas/cbxmas.htm

Charlie Brown!!

What a wonderful surprise this evening! My absolute favorite animated Christmas show of all time came on tonight...Charlie Brown's Christmas!! I can't even imagine how many times I've watched it. It first came on TV in 1965 when I was 7 years old...I'm 47 now. So I'm betting I've seen it probably 35 times or so over the years! I never, ever grow tired of it. There's just something so precious about the whole thing that makes my heart smile.

I'm on my fourth day of feeling absolutely crummy sick, and had tucked myself into bed this evening, when the show came on. I immediately sat up, smiled and continued smiling for half an hour! Funny how something like that can have such an effect on you. Life ain't so bad now, is it?! :)

Merry Christmas, Charlie Brown...or oops, sorry, to all of you--whoever you are!

(don't forget to stick out your tongue to catch snowflakes!!)

Smiles--
Mary

...needing my mom

"Is there anything I can get for you? Can I pick up some medicine, or some Sprite or something for you? Just call me and let me know."

That's what my sister said today when she heard through my dad that I was feeling like crap, and had been the last few days. Yeah, I've got something...the flu? bronchitis? imminent lung death?? Okay, okay, so I'm feeling sorry for myself. Yes, I've allowed myself a bit of a pity party this evening after feeling really horrible this weekend. Guess it's time to go to the doctor tomorrow and see if I can get drugs to fix this thing. But what a wuss I am...i just told myself to stop it after allowing tears to start flowing while lying in bed feeling lonely and neglected.

What's the main problem here?? I need my mom. Yeah, it boils down to...not only the fact that physically I feel pretty shitty...but also that I would give anything for my mom to be here, to slip that thermometer in my mouth to see if I have a temperature, to make me a bowl of good ol' fashioned Campbell's Chicken Noodle Soup, and ask me every now & then how I feel while kissing me on the forehead. That, of course, won't happen because my mom passed away five years ago. But I guess we never get over that need to have somebody "mother you"...especially if it could be your own mom.

I told my sister when she called that i was fine, that I had what i needed, that i'd call her tomorrow after i'd been to the doctor to let her know what was wrong. And then I crawled into bed with my puppy dog, turned on the electric blanket, watched the Chiefs beat the Broncos (YEAH!!!), and felt very alone. So, what am I doing now? Talking to this stupid blog like it's a person. Oh well, at least it's something to talk to.

Well, now that i've extended my pity party to this blog posting, i guess i'll go crawl back into bed with my puppy dog, watch Sunday night TV, and hope that tomorrow morning when i wake up i feel better. If not, there's always antibiotics! ;)

Keep breathin' everyone...even if you might be congested!! LOL

Mary